


The Babysitting Job

by daydreamn019



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Babysitting, Gen, Leverage AU, a liiitle bit of chucker. if you squint., and inaccurate representations of hacking, but a tiny bit more sci-fi, hacker!church, or basically a heist au if you dont know what that is, rvb secret santa 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28200114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreamn019/pseuds/daydreamn019
Summary: There are times when Church likes his job, as a hacker for a motley crew of thieves taking down corrupt corporations.And then there are times when hereallywishes he kept flying solo.Looking after his teammate's alien kid during a fucking con is one of those times. And when the job goes wrong because, y'know, Church can't properly disable alarms and hack systems whilebabysitting a child,it's up to him and Junior to make sure that dangerous devices don't fall into the wrong greedy hands and that the team doesn't get caught or killed.Church isnotliking their chances.
Relationships: Leonard L. Church & Junior
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	The Babysitting Job

**Author's Note:**

> helloooooo this is my secret santa fic for @xadoheandterra on tumblr! a leverage au that i started planning a while ago, this was one of the first ideas that popped into my head loool. i kinda went ham with this, its messy but i had fun writing it! hope you enjoy :D

“I’m _sorry.”_ Church can’t fucking believe his ears. “You want me to do _WHAT?”_

“Church, please,” Wash says wearily, but Church can’t muster an _ounce_ of sympathy for him when he’s clearly clutching the van keys in his hand, anxious to leave as soon as possible. “It’s just until we get back.”

“And besides,” Tucker chimes in, “Junior’s a good kid! He’s not going to cause any problems. Right, Junior?”

“Blarg!” 

Church looks at the...child...in Tucker’s arms, who looks back with the most unimpressed expression an alien baby without a humanoid face could have. “Can he even understand English?”

“Of course he can!” Tucker says indignantly. “Just because he can’t speak it doesn’t mean he can’t understand you being an asshole. Can’t you be nice for one day and look after him?”

Tex snorts. “I think that’s asking for the impossible.”

Church sputters, whipping around to glare at her. “Oh, fuck off! You’re not the one who’s been told _last fucking minute_ to babysit an alien kid! And during a fucking _con!”_

Christ, they were set to leave five minutes ago. They only have until the end of the day to steal back the powerful battery that their client invented to power a poor town’s electrical grid, before Lozano Technologies moves it to a facility even Church can’t hack into and then sells it to some _very_ unfriendly mercenaries who probably have less noble intentions in mind. 

“Okay,” Tucker huffs, “one, this isn’t my fault, Palomo told me he couldn’t babysit Junior today only ten minutes ago. And two, it’s not that bad! I once took Junior with me to steal a Caravaggio in Paris—”

Church stares at him. “You _WHAT?”_

“—you’re just gonna be sitting in the apartment with your computer doing nerd shit!”

Church sputters. “But I need to get into the building to hack the system! How am I supposed to—”

Tucker waves an infuriatingly dismissive hand. “Wash probably already came up with like, ten new plans to make up for it. Right, Wash?”

“Twenty, actually,” Wash says flatly. Church can’t tell if he’s kidding or not. “Don’t worry about the con, Church. We’ll get Caboose into the control room, he’ll reconfigure the system so you can hack it remotely.”

Church turns to stare at Caboose, who blinks back like he hasn’t been paying attention. “I...yes. I can do that...um...recon…” 

_Great._ Caboose can work with machines fine, but security systems? Not at all. “That’s so much fucking harder, what the fuck? Why can’t anyone else stay behind? Like Kai?”

Kai wrinkles her nose. “Gross. Why would I want to look at a baby?”

“Kai and I have to meet with the CEO,” Wash cuts in with his _I’m-losing-patience_ voice. “We need Tex and Tucker in the vault, and Caboose in the control room.”

“Must hurt being expendable,” Tex drawls. 

_“Tex,”_ Wash reprimands before Church can bite out a retort. Is it just him, or has Wash’s hair gotten grayer in the past few minutes? “Look, Church, you’re the only one who can do your job remotely, as long as Caboose connects the system from his end. There’s really no other option.”

Another protest is on the tip of Church’s tongue, because he really doesn’t want to trust _Caboose_ with that, but...he glances at the time. They’re _really_ behind schedule, fuck. 

_...fine,_ okay, Wash may be right. He’s the mastermind, after all. But that doesn’t mean Church is happy about it. 

He looks back at the others. “I’m just letting you know that I fucking hate you all.”

Everyone just stares at him, unfazed. He hates it here. They never appreciate what he does to ensure their asses don’t get caught.

“Aw...” Caboose frowns at him. “Aw, don’t worry, Church. We can pretend that we are still saving the day together! With Junior!”

“Don’t fucking patronize me.” Church rubs his forehead. He should’ve just taken the money after the Vic Dubenich job was over and gotten the fuck away from these people. “Let’s just fucking get this over with.”

“Great,” Wash says, a little bit too quickly. “Then we’re good to go. We’ll leave Junior with you and head out.”

“Finally.” Tucker sets Junior down on the table next to Church. Junior flails immediately, nearly knocking Church’s laptop onto the floor. Church snatches it back in the nick of time.

_“Hey—”_

“Blarg,” Junior says, giving him the stink-eye. Wonderful. They’re off to a great start. 

“Make sure nothing happens to Junior,” Tucker warns, either ignoring their exchange or just not caring. Behind him, Tex and Kai are already halfway out the door, Caboose trailing behind as Wash lingers impatiently at the doorway. “Keep an eye on him. He’s already four, but—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Church grumbles. “You’re the one breaking into the damn vault. Make sure nothing happens to _you._ Now fuck off.” 

Tucker raises an eyebrow. “What, not even a _good luck?”_

“I thought you didn’t believe in luck,” Church says, automatically, and Tucker grins at him, leaning over to nudge his shoulder slightly. Church shifts in his seat and ducks his head down—to inspect his laptop more closely, of course. 

“Yeah, that’s because I’m fucking awesome.” Tucker reaches over to pat Junior’s head. “I’ll be back soon, okay? We’ll get McDonald’s on the way home.”

Junior perks up. “Blarg!”

Apparently that’s a different _blarg_ from whatever he said to Church, because when Church looks up Tucker is still smiling on his way out the door. Wash gives Church one last nod before following him out. The door shuts with a quiet click, leaving him alone in the apartment with Junior.

...who’s still sitting on the table, right where his laptop is supposed to be set up. Church turns to him. “Get off the table, kid.”

Surprisingly, Junior complies and hops off, though he’s still eyeing Church with about as much annoyance as a three-foot-tall alien child could possibly muster. Church puts his laptop down, opening it. Everything else seems to be in order, at least. 

Great. Now time to make sure that no one dies during the con. _And_ that Junior doesn’t eat plastic or something.

He sighs, turning back to Junior. “Look, I don’t know how much you understand about your dad’s job, but I’m the one making sure he doesn’t get his ass caught. So are you gonna cooperate with me?”

Junior tilts his head. “Honk!” 

Wonderful. That clears so much up.

Church pulls up the building floor plans on his screen and really, really hopes that was a yes. 

Good news: Church now knows how to say _no_ in Junior’s native language.

Bad news: literally everything else. 

Church rubs his forehead. “Caboose. I said the _black_ cable, do you _want_ to trip all the fucking alarms?”

 _“Sorry,”_ Caboose says. A long pause. _“Which color was it again?”_

Church wants to punch something. Instead he just digs his nails into his palm. _“Black._ Just hurry up and connect it.” He turns back to his computer screen to check the trackers. “Tucker, did you—”

_Crash!_

Fucking HELL. Church twists around and prays it’s not what he thinks it is. But nope, Junior is currently trying to climb Wash’s refrigerator. One of Caboose’s gadgets lays smashed on the floor. 

“Seriously?” Church gets up and marches over, snatching Junior off the counter. “You realize Caboose is going to blame your dad for this, right?”

Junior sniffs. “Blarg!”

Church sighs. “Actually, for once Caboose would be right. I’d blame Tucker for this, too.”

 _“Church?”_ Tucker sounds confused. _“Did I what?”_

Church strides over to the couch—Christ, Junior’s heavy—and sets him down, glaring. _“Don’t_ move, okay? Just sit here and watch…” He glances at the TV screen. “...this printing press documentary. I have work to do.” 

Church ignores Junior’s _blarg_ s of protest and hurries back to his computer. “Tucker, did you ever teach Junior how to _sit still,_ because—?”

 _“What’s your problem with him, man?”_ Tucker says defensively. _“He’s just an active kid!”_

Church would love to argue with him about that, but— “Caboose, did you connect the fucking cable? I still can’t get into the system.”

 _“I…yes.”_ Caboose does not sound very confident. _“I...will...cut the wire—”_

Church swears he’s going to have an aneurysm. “I didn’t say to cut it! This isn’t disarming a bomb! Just connect one end to the device I gave you—”

 _“Mr. Spokane, Ms. Keay,”_ a distant voice says. That must be the CEO. _“I can assure that Lozano Technologies has been doing just fine recently.”_

Shit, Church needs to get numbers. He pulls up another window on his monitor. “Okay, Wash, the company has been losing a shit ton of money recently, and it’s pissed off their holding company, Charon Industries. Their tech division blew through sixty million dollars…”

 _“...and barely made back ten million,”_ Wash continues. _“The battery’s sale alone can’t save your company, Mr. Lozano. Not by Charon’s standards. So we’re here to cut millions of dollars of dead weight wherever we can.”_

Wash seems to have the rest covered. Church turns his attention back to his other screen—and blinks in surprise.

“Holy shit.” He pokes around. Alarms, physical access control—it’s all there. “I’m in the system. Caboose—”

 _“I did it?”_ Caboose sounds surprised. _“Yes!! I did it! I helped Church!”_

Church heaves a sigh. “Yeah, yeah, great, we could’ve done this so much fucking faster if you didn’t leave me at home to look after a kid.” He pulls up the plans. “Okay, guys, the top floor has three zones: green, yellow, red. The battery is in the burn room—middle of the red zone.”

 _“Burn room?”_ Tucker asks.

“Yeah, it’s a vault with thermite-lined walls. There’s a button in the CEO’s office—one push and everything in the room burns.”

 _“Really?”_ Caboose gasps. _“I want one.”_

Oh, that’d be a fucking disaster. But Church chooses not to tell him that. “Only the CEO has access to it. Tucker, you need his badge. Kai?”

 _“Psh, way ahead of you,”_ Kai says triumphantly. _“I already got it.”_

 _“Lozano’s giving us a conference room,”_ Wash says. _“We’re calling all the senior executives and department heads to the top floor. Caboose, stay in the control room and make sure no one else comes in. Tucker, come by room 1031A and Kai will pass the badge off to you. Tex, head up to the top floor, you need to help Tucker if there are any guards.”_

Everyone choruses their agreements. Church watches the trackers on his screen as his teammates begin to move, exhaling. At least the first part’s gone without a hitch. He glances up again.

Junior’s not on the couch anymore.

Church bolts out of his chair, looking around wildly—

“Honk!”

Church spins around. “What the _fuck?_ How did you—”

Junior is on the fucking _chandelier?!_

 _“What?”_ Wash sounds alarmed. _“Church, what’s going on?”_

Church stalks over. _“Junior.”_

 _“Oh.”_ Wash sounds instantly mollified. _“I thought something actually bad happened.”_

Tex snorts. _“Church can’t handle a kid for an hour and thinks it’s the end of the world. Big fucking surprise.”_

Church ignores them both and glares up at Junior. "Get down."

Junior peers at him. "Honk!"

_"Now."_

"Blarg honk!" Junior doesn't budge. He sounds kind of...scared, actually. Church stares at him in disbelief.

"What the fuck," he says. "You're stuck, aren't you." 

"Blarg!"

Church wants to bang his head against the wall.

 _"Uh,"_ Tucker speaks up, _"if anyone cares, I got the CEO's badge. Lifted the fingerprints, too. What's going on with Junior?"_

Church closes his eyes. "Just...hold on.” He heaves a sigh. Maybe he'll hack into the CEO's bank account and transfer some money to himself. As a treat. He deserves it after this fucking mess. 

_“Tucker, don’t forget to wrap the badge in tin foil,”_ Wash says. _“It’ll hide the RFID tags and stop the system from tracking you.”_

_“Got it.”_

_“Great. Church, sort out your differences with Junior. Kai and I have to distract everyone now."_

Sort out their _fucking_ differences, he says. Church wants to die.

"How'd you even fucking get up there?" he mutters, dragging over a stool from the kitchen island. He places it under the chandelier and stands on it, reaching up towards Junior. "Come on, kid. Get down."

His arms fall a bit short. Junior clings tightly to the chandelier and stares warily at the two-feet distance between his legs and Church's hands. "Honk!"

Church groans. "Come _on,_ kid. Don't make this harder than it needs to—"

Junior leaps down, suddenly, and Church tries to catch him. But he forgot how heavy Junior was—and the weight knocks both him and the stool over. Church lets out an undignified yelp, life flashing before his eyes. He manages to fling out a hand as he crashes to the ground, elbows painfully making contact with the wooden floor.

 _"Church?"_ Tucker asks. _"What happened?"_

Jesus fucking Christ. Church winces, sitting up. His arms sting like a _bitch._ "Your kid just fucking tried to kill me!" He slowly drags himself to his feet, groaning. At least nothing seems broken. 

_"Oh,"_ Caboose says. _"Oh, yeah, I hate when babies do that."_

 _“Come on,”_ Tucker huffs. _“Don’t be so dramatic.”_

Church looks up. Junior seems fine, happily scampering back to the couch and completely unconcerned about him nearly cracking his head open. “I’m not! He literally just—”

 _"As much as I'd love to continue hearing you getting one-upped by a child..."_ Tex says. Church glares at the speaker her voice is coming from. _"...Tucker and I are at the first checkpoint. Are the alarms off?"_

Not a single _are you okay?_ from anyone. Glad to know they care. Church grimaces as he gets to his feet, limping back to his computer. He's half-tempted to just let them open the door and set off the alarms. He checks the screen. "No, but I can deactivate them."

There are a whole bunch of files to sift through in the system, too. He'll do that later when he has the chance. He finds the hallway Tex and Tucker are in and quickly unlocks the door.

"There. Door should open...now." Church watches their positions move through the doorway. Good, it looks like the connection to the system is working. 

_"Keep moving,"_ Wash says. _"We sowed some chaos here. Basically told everyone we’re laying them off—that should buy us some time. CEO’s here too, so I'm going back to his office. Kai, you'll be on top of things here, can you keep their attention on you?”_

_"Of course! It's just like that time I was at a rave and showed everyone my ping-pong ball trick so they wouldn't notice that the strippers died."_

_"Yeah,"_ Wash says. _"Wait, what?"_

Church looks through the files. It all seems like pretty standard company documents...other than the fact that Lozano Tech is practically hemorrhaging money. But nothing illegal. Most of the senior executives’ bank accounts seem clean, too. He has to dig deeper.

 _“Wash,”_ he says. _“Do you have the drive I gave you? Can you plug it into the CEO’s computer?”_

_“Yeah, give me a few minutes.”_

Church turns his attention back to Tucker and Tex. “You guys are coming up at the door to the yellow zone. Hold up the fingerprints from the badge to the scanner.”

 _“Yeah.”_ A brief pause, then a soft _beep._ _“We’re in.”_

“Okay.” Church takes a deep breath. “Yellow zone has more security measures. Whole place is lined with trackers that can detect movement and send alerts to security. I can only deactivate them temporarily, and not all at once.” He frowns. Christ, this is complicated. He types something into the system. “Okay, you can move through the first hallway. Don’t go past the bend, there’s a camera there. Wash?”

_“Computer should be connected, let us know if you see anything. We need to find who exactly they’re selling the battery to, and what for.”_

“Right.” Church turns to the other monitor, keeping an eye on the map. There are lots of documents in there—emails, tax returns, bank statements. He filters out the ones not related to the battery. Nothing stands out among the expenses and purchases except...

“Looks like Lozano Tech received thirty-million for the battery from an account named Soul Clef IV.” Church does a quick search for them. Nothing comes up. “You think they’re the mercenaries?”

 _“Haven’t heard that name before,”_ Wash says, _“but probably,”_

“Huh.” Church frowns. “And there’s some emails about the battery from the CEO of Charon Industries, Malcolm Hargrove. Looks like Lozano Tech’s holding company seems pretty invested in the sale...”

Church suddenly realizes he hasn’t checked on or heard Junior in a while. He’s about to turn around to look when Tex says, _“We’re at the bend, Church. Can we move?”_

“Huh? No, wait—” Church turns back to his other screen.

_Crash!_

Think of the devil and he shall appear. Church groans. “Now’s not the fucking time, kid!” He reaches for his keyboard, quickly disabling the camera and trackers. Christ, he’s going to have a massive headache. “Okay, now. Don’t get within ten feet of the door, though, I still have to crack that.”

_“That’s the door to the red zone?”_

“No, there’s still one more yellow hallway after.” Church glances up. Junior is still in front of the TV—it looks like he just knocked down a potted plant. Church sighs. He doesn’t have time to clean that right now. “Kid, can you not—”

Junior turns around and peers at him. “Blarg!” He’s holding something in his hands.

“What...do you have there?” Church asks suspiciously. He squints, trying to get a closer look—

Is that a fucking _knife?_

Church scrambles to his feet. “What—where the hell did you get that thing?” 

“Blarg honk!” Junior leaps onto the coffee table, inspecting the knife. It’s still in its sheath, thankfully, but to his horror, Junior immediately starts chewing on the hilt.

“What the fuck—no—” Church darts over. Goddamnit, Wash’s apartment is decidedly _not_ fucking childproof. “Give me that!”

Junior scurries away from him, still clutching the knife in his mouth. “Honk!” he taunts. Church scowls. 

“Come here, you little—!” He lunges at him, but Junior dodges easily. “Oh, _come on!”_

 _"Church?"_ Tucker asks. _"What's going on now?"_

"Didn't you ever teach Junior not to play with sharp shit?" Church screeches. He makes another move, but Junior jerks his head in his direction, knife pointed at him, and Church instinctively flinches back. Fuck, why does Junior keep trying to _kill_ him?”

_“Of course I taught him that! What does that have to do with—”_

_“Focus,”_ Wash orders. _“Church, keep looking through the emails.”_

Church would _love_ to, but Junior is still prancing around with a fucking _knife._ “Give me a goddamn second here—Junior, put that thing _down—”_

 _"Uh oh,"_ Caboose says. _“That’s...not good.”_

Yeah, understatement of the fucking—

_“Camera is showing someone else...coming to the yellow zone?"_

Church spins around. _Shit,_ the map—there’s someone approaching—

 _"What?"_ Tex demands. _"Damnit, Church, why didn't you say anything?"_

Church takes a step back to his computer, but...fuck. He glances back at Junior, who’s now trying to _unsheath the fucking knife—_ "I'm a bit _busy—!"_

 _“Uhm…”_ Caboose says. _“The other guy is almost there…”_

 _“Church!”_ Tucker hisses. _“We’re running out of time! Can we get to the door yet?”_

Church lunges again, nearly tripping over the coffee table. “Fucking—wait—” He glares at Junior. “Stop that. _Give that to me.”_

“Blarg!” Junior tries to shy away again, scowling back. 

Church leaps forward, reaching for the knife. _“Now.”_

And that’s when everything goes to shit.

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

Church freezes. _Fuck._

 _“Oh no,”_ Caboose says. 

_“What?”_ Kai asks, stunned. _“The alarms just went—what did you guys_ do?!”

 _“FUCK!”_ Tucker yells at the same time. _“What the fuck, Church, I thought you disabled the last one—”_

“I—I didn’t! I didn’t say I did!” Church snatches the knife from Junior, who seems startled by the sudden blare of alarms, and runs back to his laptop. Fuck fuck fuck, the security measures are already locking him out of the system—

Tex growls. _“Church, I swear to—”_

 _“Shut up, all of you,”_ Wash orders. _“Church, turn the alarms off.”_

Church types a string of code in, but an alert suddenly pops up in the corner: a countdown for one minute. Shit, he doesn’t have time for this. He quickly reads the message.

His heart sinks.

“No,” he says. He tries to turn it off, but it’s locked—he can’t change anything. “No no _no—”_

_“What now?”_

Church wants to scream. Instead he just keeps typing desperately. “Fuck, the building’s going into lockdown in thirty seconds. Which apparently for this system fucking includes a signal jammer—I’m going to lose you all. No comms, no access, no _nothing._ I won’t be able to get back in.”

Everyone processes this for a moment.

 _“Shiiit,”_ Kai says. _“We’re fucked.”_

 _“No, we’re not,”_ Wash insists, though he sounds frazzled. _“Tucker, Tex, you need to hide. Caboose, you should get out of the control room. Church...you’re going to have to come here.”_

 _“What?”_ Church stares in disbelief. “What the fuck do you mean? By myself? What about Ju—”

_“We need you back in the system, you’re going to have to come on-site. If you pose as—”_

_“There they are!”_

Church starts. “What’s going on—”

 _“Shit!”_ Tex says. His heart drops. _“Guards found us—! Tucker, move—”_

The alarms abruptly cut out. 

Church stares, heart hammering in his chest. “Tex?”

Silence. 

“Tex! Tucker! Wash! Someone fucking answer me _right now!”_

Fuck. He checks the comms. They’re offline. No GPS, either.

God fucking _damnit._

Church tries to access the system again. No luck. He still has the files from earlier, but he’s completely locked out. They’re gone.

He slumps back in his chair, putting his head in his hands. This is _bad._ So fucking bad. The entire team’s in danger now and the job’s basically botched. There’s going to be heightened security in the building during lockdown—they’re basically sitting ducks.

And now Church is their only hope.

It’s not much of an ego booster when he’s fairly certain he’s going to fuck up immediately. 

“Blarg?”

Church looks up. Junior is standing behind his desk, thankfully without another knife. He groans.

Great. _And_ he still has to figure out what to do with Junior. 

“This is all your fault, you know,” Church mutters.

Junior just blinks at him. “Honk honk!”

Church considers just leaving him here but...he’s watched _Home Alone._ And also, looking around at the assortment of pointy objects and smashable machines that Wash likes to leave around his apartment, it’s probably not safe.

But bringing Junior along? Not much better, even if Church can keep an eye on him that way. 

Shit. What is he going to do?

Church closes his eyes. He really wishes he could just go to sleep. “Kid, your dad’s in danger. The whole team could be caught by now—” He cuts himself off, sighing. He can’t start panicking. He opens his eyes and glances back at Junior. “Look, Junior, please tell me you understand how much shit is fucked right now.”

“Blarg!” Junior sounds...kind of serious, actually. Though he could just be telling Church he’s ugly for all he knows. 

Church gets to his feet and takes a deep breath. “If I take you along, you’re not going to fuck things up, right? ‘Cause you’ve already done enough of that.”

Junior crosses his arms. “Blarg _honk!”_

It’s not a no. Church rubs his forehead. God, he can’t believe he’s actually doing this. Babysitting Junior during the heist from afar was already a fucking chore. Now they have to go to _the fucking building itself._ That is _currently in lockdown._

He better get paid extra for this. He has to do goddamn _everything_ around here, doesn’t he.

Church sighs, leaning down to pick up Junior. “C’mon, kid. Let’s go rescue the team.”

* * *

It's easy enough to steal a car from outside Wash's apartment (don't worry, he checked that there’s a booster seat in the back for Junior). The GPS tells him that the Lozano Technologies HQ is twenty minutes away.

He makes it in ten, pulling into a parking spot across the street. It's an imposing building up close. And with the trackers on the earbuds disabled, he’s never going to be able to find them. The team's completely cut off, he doesn’t have any visuals inside, and he still needs to figure out a fucking plan. 

He takes a deep breath—now’s not the time to freak out—and glances out the window. A few important-looking men in suits are approaching the building. As he watches, one of the men tries the door handle to no avail. The lockdown must’ve started.

Fuuuuck. How is he supposed to get in?

He turns to take out his laptop, about to pull up the building plans and calculate if he’s desperate enough to find a window to climb through when, out of the corner of his eye, he glimpses the doors opening from the inside, quickly letting the men enter.

Church does a double take. What? Instinctively he opens his laptop and glances at the comms’ statuses. Still completely offline. He looks back outside, peering more closely at the building lobby through its large windows.

The area is bustling, with more armed guards than seems normal, but there doesn’t seem to be any huge panic. What’s the point of a lockdown if they’re just letting people in?

Unless...they’re trying to put up a front?

Lozano Technologies is on the brink of bankruptcy. News of a break-in probably wouldn’t make their shareholders happy. And it definitely wouldn’t help their value in the stock market. So maybe they’re trying to hide the severity of this breach until they get it under control.

Well, at least that's one thing in his favor. Except...

Church glances up at the rearview mirror. Junior is still in the booster seat, staring out the window at the building with a vaguely disgruntled expression. 

Surely whatever advantages he has of sneaking in during a looser lockdown are _severely_ offset by the fact that he has to sneak in with a fucking _baby._

Church groans, turning around to face Junior. "Look, kid. If I leave you here, you're not going to try to eat the booster seat or some shit, right?"

Junior looks at him. "Honk!"

Great. Tucker is going to kill him. Assuming the guards didn’t...

No, fuck, Church can’t go down that thought path right now. Okay, think. He needs a cover story if he's going to try and saunter in through the front door. He’s fairly certain he's got an unused alias as a scientist working for Charon Industries, and he did grab a generic lab coat on his way out of the apartment in case he needed a disguise. That’s a start. 

But even if he can get inside, he has no idea how to get to the team. Fuck, he needs way more time to come up with a plan—time that he just doesn't have. The longer he waits out here, the more likely the others will be caught. He needs to get moving n—

_Thud._

Church jumps, twisting around sharply...but it's just Junior, who's somehow clawed his way out of the seatbelt and tipped the booster seat onto the floor. He looks up impatiently. "Blarg!" 

Church sighs. He remembers Tucker saying that he took Junior to steal a Caravaggio. Hopefully that means the kid knows better than to fuck up a con, but considering Junior's actions in the past two hours, and also the fact that he is a child...probably not. “I’m guessing you don’t have any ideas, either?”

“Honk!” 

Great. Church goes back to the computer, hoping that he'll have an epiphany about how to get both him and Junior into the building by the time he's done building his fake ID.

This is going to be a fucking disaster.

There are many reasons why Church isn't the grifter of the team. One of them is that he can't lie for _shit._

(Another, according to Kai, is that he isn't hot. He usually just ignores that one.)

He feels incredibly out of place as he walks to the building. He has his earbud in on the off-chance that the signal jammer will go down on its own, lab coat donned over his T-shirt and briefcase in hand for his laptop. He keeps his other hand on Junior's shoulder to make sure he doesn't run off, which Junior doesn't seem very happy about—but Church has way bigger problems right now.

He rehearses his cover story a few times in his head...but he still can't fucking figure out how to explain why he's walking around with a toddler. He created an ID for Junior too back in the car, but he couldn't figure out what background to attach to it, and he’s fairly certain Junior does not look like he’s thirty years old. 

And to add to that, aliens like Junior are uncommon enough here that he’ll attract even more attention—exactly the last thing Church wants right now.

Church is still grasping futilely at straws when they reach the door. He tries the handle. Locked. He's half-hoping that they'll make him wait so that he has more time to think of a plan, but the security guard has already noticed him, and within a few seconds the buzzer goes off. He tries the handle again. The door easily opens.

“Okay, kid,” Church mutters under his breath as they step into the lobby. “Do not blow this for us.” They’re already drawing attention, heads turning their way and very obviously gawking at Junior. 

Junior glares up at him. “Blarg!”

Yay, Church is feeling so confident. He scans the room. It's mostly filled with confused suits and scientists trying to figure out why the front door was locked and why they can’t make phone calls. At the center of attention (besides the alien baby who just walked in) is a haggard-looking man near the elevators, a strained smile on his face as he waves his arms.

"Don't worry, everyone!" he calls out. "This is just a temporary precaution, everything is fine. We here at Lozano Technologies are simply trying to ensure everyone's safety..."

Church walks closer, trying to catch the name on his badge. _J. Murphy._ The name rings a bell—Lozano Technologies’ VP of operations. Huh. At least Church and the crew weren't the only ones sent into a tailspin by the alarms. 

Church takes a deep breath, plastering on a smile and hoping he doesn't seem constipated as he heads to the front desk. The receptionist glances up at him, not looking much better than the VP, and does a double take when her gaze slides to Junior. 

_Please don't ask please don't ask please—_

"W-welcome to Lozano Technologies," she says after a moment, an edge of _I-don't-get-paid-enough-for-this_ in her voice. “May I see your ID?”

Church fishes out his fake driver's license and places it on the desk. "Dr. Jimmy Aleph. I’m here to inspect the battery they brought in a few days ago. Charon Industries sent me.”

The receptionist visibly pales, and, out of the corner of Church's eye, he can see Murphy do the same. “R-right. Right, okay.” She glances uncertainly at Junior. “And what about…?”

Junior can barely peek over the desk at the receptionist. “Blarg honk!”

“This is...” Fuck, okay, time to see what backstory he can pull out of his ass. “Dr. Vern Hark. He’s a consultant. Specializes in alien technology.” Before the receptionist could poke holes in his painfully thin cover—like _why does your consultant look and sound like he’s a toddler?_ —he continues, “How long are you going to keep us waiting? Is there some kind of problem here?”

“N-no, sir, everything’s going fine.” She takes his ID and types something into her computer, then picks up a blank badge from a pile on her desk, scanning it. When she’s done, she hands it back with a lanyard and his ID. “Here’s your visitor’s badge. And may I have...Dr. Hark’s ID?”

Church hands over Junior’s license and braces himself for questions. Thankfully, the receptionist seems kind of harried already, and she quickly gets a new badge for Junior. “Alright. These should get you through most checkpoints.”

“Thank you.” Church takes the badge and loops the lanyard around his neck, then hands the other one to Junior. 

“Excuse me, Dr. Aleph?”

Church starts, turning around. Murphy is standing behind him, a forced smile on his voice. Fuck. It's one thing to fool a receptionist, but someone this high up in the chain of command? “...yes?”

“I’m Jack Murphy, vice president of operations here at Lozano Technologies. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear that Charon Industries sent you and your...” Murphy pauses and glances at Junior. “...consultant here.”

“Honk!” Junior says indignantly. Church dies a little inside.

“I can assure you that Dr. Hark is...very capable,” Church says weakly. “We’ve worked together for a long time.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Murphy says. Somehow his smile has gotten tighter. “Are you here to inspect the battery?” Church nods. “We are..flattered that Hargrove has sent so many capable scientists to check in on our acquisition. But...it is not alien technology. I’m unsure why—”

“You may not _think_ it is,” Church interrupts. Because it isn’t, but he can’t just say that. “But we’re here to...check and make sure the circuits haven’t been, uh, sabotaged.” He narrows his eyes. “Unless you want an uncalibrated polarized battery to blow up on the way to the facility?”

“N-no, of course not.” Murphy straightens. Thankfully he seems too stressed to notice (or care about) how awkward Church is. “One more thing...the CEO is already meeting with two advisors from the board of directors, Mike Spokane and Rebecca Keay—"

"I came separately," Church cuts in, feeling a rush of relief. Good, it looks like Wash and Kai's covers are still intact, for now. “They’re here for the legal side of things, I’m here for the scientific. Can we head in now? Dr. Hark doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

Church glances at Junior, who, to his horror (but not surprise, at this point) has started fucking chewing his lanyard. He nudges him with his foot. Junior stops, then glares up at Murphy and crosses his arms. “Blarg!”

Church suppresses a defeated sigh. At least he’s trying. 

Murphy is now pointedly trying not to look at Junior. “Yes, of course. Are you acquainted with Dr. Rhee Sebiel?”

“Of course,” Church blurts, then immediately wants to smack himself in his forehead. Great way to speedrun a blown cover, as soon as Murphy checks in with this...Sebiel person. “Uh—I mean—”

Murphy nods. “He’s currently waiting outside the vault. I can accompany you there.”

Shit, that'd be bad. "N-no, it's fine," Church says quickly. "I know my way around well. And besides, Mr. Murphy, you need to ensure things are calm down here. If Hargrove hears about this security breach..."

Murphy flinches. "You know about the break-in?"

...fuck. Right, he isn't supposed to. Church clears his throat. "I...yes. I do. But...no one else has to as long as you keep things under control." He claps Murphy on the shoulder. “Keep up the good work.” With that (hopefully assertive enough) finish, he turns and walks away, slipping into the gradually thinning crowd in the lobby. Junior, thankfully, follows without a word.

Church lets out the breath he’s been holding. Okay. They’re in now. He pulls out his phone and does a quick search for Rhee Sebiel. Head of research at Charon. _Great._ There’s no way to fool that guy. 

He glances back. Murphy is on the phone, whispering furiously—perhaps calling the CEO, or Dr. Sebiel. Shit. Church pockets his phone. Better put more distance between them before his cover is blown for good. 

There are security guards posted at the elevators and a long line of people waiting to use them. Church _really_ doesn’t have time to wait. 

“Blarg!”

Church twists around. Junior has left his side, scampering to a nondescript door in the corner marked _stairs_ in faded letters. He stares back at Church impatiently.

Church scowls and walks over. “Yeah, yeah. I saw that.” He opens the door and steps inside, starting up the stairwell.

He racks his brain. Wash and Kai were on the top floor, with the CEO and senior executives. Tex and Tucker were up there too, in the yellow zone. His heart spasms in his chest. Fuck. If the guards found them...they might’ve been arrested or hurt. He needs to contact them as soon as possible, but with the signal jammer…

Wait. The control room.

Church takes out his phone to check the building plans. It’s on the fifth floor. Caboose was there when the alarms went off. Even if he isn’t anymore, if Church can get in, he can check the cameras and adjust the signal jammer so it’s not blocking the frequency of their comms. 

And once he gets their comms back, Wash will know what to do. To the fifth floor it is, then. 

At least, until they reach the third floor and Church spots three guards on the stairs. Church glances at the guns in their waistbands and tenses. He doesn’t have any weapons, and to reiterate the source of most of his problems right now, Junior is four. They really can’t fight right now.

Thankfully, the guards don’t seem hostile when he approaches. “Badge?” one of them asks.

Church shows it, and they do a quick scan. It seems to check out, thankfully, but the guards still won’t budge. Instead, he gestures at the door. “Fourth to sixth floors are locked down. If you’re heading to the top floors, you need to use the elevator.”

“I…” Fuck. Church tries to hide his grimace. “Why? What’s going on?”

“Not your business,” the guard says. He jerks his head at the door. Church doesn’t want to look suspicious, so he reluctantly complies, stepping into the third floor.

Shit. So Tex and Tucker weren’t the only ones spotted, then—if they’re locking down those floors, maybe Caboose was seen too. But how can Church get to him? And to the control room?

He looks at Junior. "Any ideas?"

"Honk!" Junior says. Right. Again, he’s four.

Church sighs, taking out his phone again. There's another stairwell on the other side of the floor, but there are probably guards there, too. And in the elevators.

He looks up. There are a bunch of cubicles and offices on this floor. Maybe if he can get on one of the computers, he can try to enter their system that way and pray the security doesn't lock him out immediately. 

A cubicle would be in broad daylight, and there wouldn't be room for Junior—not the best idea. He needs to find an office.

"C'mon," he says to Junior, who's currently staring very hungrily at a plant. They start walking down the hallway. Some of the offices have their blinds up, probably occupied. He needs to find an empty one...

As they pass by the fifth one in the row with blinds drawn up and Church considers just saying _fuck it_ and barging in, the door swings open behind them. Church starts, about to turn around—when a hand suddenly grabs his arm and drags him inside.

Church stumbles, instinctually swinging his briefcase before he even gets a look at who grabbed him. He misses wildly, the briefcase clattering to the floor as he struggles. The assailant kicks the door shut behind them.

“Blarg!” Junior says, sounding happy for some fucking reason.

Church is about to seriously wonder if Junior is trying to get him killed again when the assailant suddenly throws their arms tighter around Church into a...hug…?

“CHURCH!”

Oh, _goddamnit._

 _“Caboose?”_ Church sputters. He feels like he’s being squeezed to death. “What—Caboose, get off me!”

Caboose complies, beaming. “I knew you’d come save us!”

He looks unharmed, thankfully. Church feels a rush of relief at that—or maybe it's the adrenaline leaving him as he tries to recover from that sneak attack. “Christ, why couldn’t you tap me on the shoulder like a _normal_ person?”

Caboose ignores him. “They almost caught me but I sneaked out of the control room.” He looks at Junior. “But you’re here now! And Junior! See, I told you you could save the day!”

“Honk honk!” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Church grumbles. “I’m the fucking cavalry. Do you know where Tucker and Tex are?”

Caboose shakes his head. “No...I tried to check the cameras but the bad guys were coming.” His lip wobbles. Fuck. 

Church reaches over to awkwardly pat him on the shoulder, despite his heart sinking in his chest. “Don’t worry, Caboose. If we can get back to the control room, we can unblock our comms and find them.”

Caboose perks up immediately, then deflates again. “But...there’s guards everywhere.”

Right. Fuck. Church thinks for a moment. “We can access the elevator with the ID I got from my cover.” He doesn’t know how long they’ll have till it’s blown, though. The badge worked with the security guards five minutes ago, but…

Caboose frowns. “But can’t they spy on you through those?”

“What?” Church glances down at his badge. 

Oh, _fuck._ He completely forgot about the trackers in the IDs.

He looks around frantically. “Shit—Caboose, do you have foil?”

“Uhm…” Caboose leans over and peers into the trashcan next to the desk. He reaches in, retrieving a half-eaten sandwich wrapped in aluminum. “Here?”

“Thanks.” Church dumps the sandwich back into the trash. They need to wrap the IDs in foil as soon as they get to the fifth floor so the system won’t follow them. “Okay, if we go up through the elevator...Caboose, you can take out two guards, right?”

Caboose nods. Church’s ribs are still in pain from Caboose’s death hug, so he doesn’t doubt him. 

“Great.” Church thinks for a moment. “You can swap clothes with them, pose as security. I’ll be…IT. The, uh, guards didn’t see your face when you left the control room, right?”

“No,” Caboose says proudly. “I’m very sneaky.”

Church really hopes he’s right. He looks at Junior. “And how do we explain him?” 

“He’s your assistant!” Caboose says. Church stares.

“I…” He shakes his head. It’s not like he has better ideas. “Sure, whatever. Hold this, kid.” He hands the briefcase to Junior, who doesn’t look very happy about it. That makes two of them.

They have to be quick. Junior is probably the only alien kid in the building—he’d be easily identifiable. Church has made it this far with him, though. And now he has one of his teammates again. He still really wishes they had more time to plan, but the system has tracked them here already. They need to get a move on. 

“You know what to do?” Church asks, turning back to Caboose. Caboose nods earnestly in the way he always does when he decidedly _doesn’t_ understand what the plan is. Church sighs.

“We will rescue everyone together! Like best friends!” Caboose cheers excitedly. Riiight. 

“Don’t jinx it,” Church mutters. He bends down to pick up his briefcase. “Let’s just fucking go.”

The elevator plan works, though maybe they should’ve accounted how to hide the unconscious bodies as they arrive at the fifth floor. Caboose has to take out two more guards and then shove all four bodies in the nearby janitor’s closet. 

“They’re sleeping,” Caboose tells him as they shut the door. Church sighs. 

“They sure are, buddy.”

They start down the hallway. The next patrol is rounding around the corner, just in time. The guards immediately go for their weapons, then pause when they see Caboose. Thankfully they don’t seem to recognize him as the intruder. 

“What are you doing here?” the guard in front asks suspiciously. Church takes a deep breath.

“I’m from IT,” he says. “The signal jammer isn’t stable. They told me to update its coherent oscillator and replace the Q components, or the intruders may be able to contact outside help.”

The guard glances at Caboose. “And you’re supervising him?”

Caboose nods. “Yes. I...uhm…” Church tries not to look at him, praying that Caboose remembers what he told him to say back in the elevator. “And...the princip—”

Church elbows him.

“Boss! Bossman said there’s someone suspicious on the fourth floor.” Caboose clears his throat. “So go there.”

The guards exchange glances. “We didn’t hear anything over the radio, though.”

“Ah, yes,” Church interrupts. “That’s because...like I said, the signal jammer’s faulty. Blocking all the wrong channels. I need to fix it. So are you gonna let us through?”

The guards murmur among themselves, shrugging. It looks like they’re buying it enough. Except one of the guards turns his gaze to Junior, frowning, and asks, “Why is your assistant an alien?”

Church tenses. Fuck. If they draw attention to him—

“Oh my god, Dillon,” another guard interjects, “you can’t just ask someone why they’re an alien.”

“Yeah, Dillon,” Caboose says, crossing his arms.

“Honk!” Junior echoes, indignant. Church suppresses a sigh. Christ. 

At least it works. “Sorry,” Dillon mumbles. He and the other guards step aside to let them continue down the hallway. Church lets out a breath. 

They make their way to the control room without any other problems. There’s a custodian right outside, but he seems inclined to mind his own business. The security guards could learn a thing or two from him. 

As soon as Caboose closes the door behind them, Church hurries to the main computer. He grabs the briefcase from Junior and takes out his laptop, plugging it in. It’s easy enough to get into the system now that he’s actually _here_ in the room. “Caboose, keep an eye on the comms’ statuses. I’m going to adjust the signal jammer.”

“Okay!” 

Church looks around. There are various dials and knobs around the room. He quickly locates the one he needs, inspecting it. There’s a switch to just turn it off, which would draw too much attention, but…

He locates the proper dial and starts adjusting it ever so slightly. “Tell me when they come back online.”

For a minute, there’s nothing except the hum of machines. Church keeps moving it back and forth, straining to see if he can hear something over the comms. Until…

“Church!” Caboose yells suddenly. Church starts, turning around—and spots the comms lighting up again on his screen.

“They’re back?” Church reaches up to touch his earpiece. He can hear some faint buzzing, muted voices he can’t quite make out. He keeps turning the dials. “Guys? Guys, can you hear me?”

“Washington?” Caboose joins in. “Tucker?”

 _“Cab_ — _se?”_ Wash’s voice. Holy shit. Church turns the dial a little further, and—

 _“Church?”_ Tex, now. Church feels a huge rush of relief at the sound of her voice.

 _“Finally!”_ Kai exclaims. _“I thought you fucking ditched us.”_

“Church wouldn’t do that!” Caboose says earnestly. Genuinely. Church ducks his head. 

_“Took you guys long enough, though,”_ Tucker remarks. 

“Honk!” Junior says, sounding confused as he peers at Church’s laptop screen. 

A pause. Then a disbelieving, _“You brought Junior?”_

Church throws his hands up in the air. "What did you want me to do, leave him at the apartment with Wash's knives and Caboose's machines?"

Caboose frowns. “No...Freckles is nice! Freckles would never hurt babies.” 

Church takes a moment to be thankful that Caboose dismantled Freckles a week ago for maintenance. He thinks he’d actually have a mental breakdown if he had to keep him away from Junior.

 _“...okay, fair enough,”_ Tucker finally says. _“Junior, can you hear me?”_

“Uh, hold on.” Church heads back to his briefcase, fishing out another earbud and inserting it in Junior’s ear. “There.”

 _“Junior?”_ Tucker asks. 

Junior immediately perks up at the sound of his dad’s voice. “Blarg?”

_“Everything’s gonna be fine, alright? I know you can handle yourself, and I know Church is an asshole—”_

“Fuck you!”

_“—but you have to listen to him, okay? Church, keep him safe.”_

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Church doesn’t know about Junior listening to him, but he has other things on his mind right now. He glances at his laptop. The GPS seems to be back as well. He quickly breaks through the firewall, entering the system again. “You guys ran into the guards earlier, are you—”

 _“We’re fine,”_ Tex says. _“I took them out, posed as one of them. Thankfully a lot of muscle were hired from elsewhere, so they didn’t notice. They sent me down to the eighth floor, but Tucker’s still in the yellow zone.”_

 _“Yeah, I hid in the vents,”_ Tucker says. _“Haven’t been able to move much, though. I managed to get past that door that tripped the alarms, but I can’t go into red—there’s fucking laser tripwires here in the vents, and a stationary guard and a dual manual lock down there.”_

 _“Manual_ lock?” Church sighs. “Great. So we need to find the actual, physical keys.” 

_“And we will,”_ Wash says. _“Church, how’d you get into the building?”_

"Posed as a scientist." Church quickly explains the details of his cover to them. 

_"So,"_ Tex says when he's done, _"somehow you've managed to blow your own cover within ten minutes. That’s got to be a record.”_

Church feels his face burn. “Shut up, I was improvising."

 _“Hold on, it’s not blown yet,”_ Wash says. _“The higher-ups here will be trying to put up a front. The CEO thinks you’re both waiting at the vault for his badge, but he’s not heading there until he sorts out the chaos with the alarms and the senior executives. We still have time.”_ He pauses for a moment. _“We’re back together. We can still do this.”_

Church almost scoffs at the sentiment, but can’t find it in him to do so. He’s been with the team for a while, long enough now that he thinks it’ll last for longer...and he thinks he’s starting to trust them all now. Maybe he’ll even admit it’s better than flying solo.

 _“Alright,”_ Wash says finally. Church straightens, shaking his head. He needs to focus. _“Tucker, does the guard have a key?”_

_“Yeah, on his belt. But what about the other one?”_

Caboose gasps. “The cleaning man!” 

_“What?”_ Tucker huffs. _“Caboose, why would—”_

 _“No, wait, Caboose is right—the head custodian,”_ Wash says. _“They’d have universal access.”_

Church snaps his fingers. “We saw the custodian outside the control room!” 

_“Perfect,”_ Wash says. _“Caboose, lift the custodian’s keys and come up to the top floor. You can deliver it to Tucker through the vents.”_

“Okay.” Caboose stands, frowning. “Church, will you—”

Church waves his hand. “I’ll be fine, go.”

“Blarg!” Junior inputs confidently. 

“Take this.” Caboose shoves something at him. Church fumbles, nearly dropping it. “For protection.” With that, he slips out of the room.

Church blinks at it. A...taser?

He glances warily at Junior, who stares back. Okay, it might come in handy, but he needs to keep it the fuck away from Junior. He doesn’t want a repeat of the knife fiasco.

 _“The Charon guy in the vault is Rhee Sebiel?”_ Wash asks, drawing Church’s attention back.

Church places the taser down next to his laptop. “Yeah.”

_“Alright, we’re going to call him to the office and send Tucker in as a ‘replacement.’ Church, do a search on him, see what you can find.”_

“Got it.” Church starts looking up info, tuning out Wash as he talks to the others. Sebiel served in the military for five years before working for Charon, but there are some suspicious gaps in his records. Church takes a look at his finances. “Huh, he’s got something in the Cayman Islands.”

 _“Oh, hell yeah!”_ Kai says. _“No one boring has a Caymans bank account!”_

That’s one way of putting it. Church pulls up the bank statement, and— “Woah.”

 _“What?”_ Wash asks. _What did you find?”_

“Sebiel sent out twenty million dollars a few days ago. To an account with the name...Ex Ill Focus.” Another unfamiliar name. Church looks it up and comes up with nothing again, except…

Church blinks. No fucking way.

“Soul Clef IV.”

_“What?”_

“They’re—anagrams.” Church looks at Lozano’s bank statements again. “The account that paid Lozano for the battery and the account that Sebiel paid for...whatever it is.”

 _“Anagrams?”_ Wash says disbelievingly. _“Don’t tell me…”_

Church can barely believe it either. “Yeah. They’re the same person, or group, or whatever. The mercs buying the battery were hired by Sebiel.”

 _“What?”_ Caboose sounds confused. _“But Charon already has the battery. That is stupid.”_

“Right...” Church looks back at the map. It looks like Sebiel’s arrived at the office where Kai and Wash are. “Why don’t you ask him?” 

_“Good idea,”_ Wash says. _“Kai, try to find his motivations, see if he’s doing this for Charon or acting alone. Tex, radio the guard at the door to let Tucker through.”_

_“Got it.”_

Church exhales, glancing up. Junior is sitting on top of a system unit, surprisingly well-behaved. 

Junior meets his gaze. “Blarg?”

Wait. Church’s heart seizes for a moment as he twists back towards his laptop—but no, the taser is still there, far away from the child. Church sighs in relief.

“You haven’t even tried to take it yet,” he tells him. “Are you okay?” 

“Honk!” Junior says, affronted. Right. Church shouldn’t question the small blessings in life.

 _“Okay, I’m in red,”_ Tucker says. _“There’s the badge reader and...a_ keypad? _Seriously?”_

“Keypad?” Church looks at the security schematics. Oh, fuck. He overlooked that. “Oh. Yeah, you need a PIN.”

 _“Damnit, Church, why didn’t you say so earlier?”_ Tucker huffs. _“Looks like it’s been wiped clean recently. I can’t see the last numbers keyed.”_

“I…” Church racks his brain. He goes back to the control room computer and pulls up the security camera footage. “Okay—most people tend to reuse PINs, so I just have to find footage of him inputting it elsewhere…like the ATM. Hold on, this is gonna take a bit.”

Tex snorts. _“You can’t be proactive even once in your life?”_

Church glares at her—well, his computer screen. Which she can’t see. He needs to stop doing that. “Fuck you!”

 _“Kai,”_ Wash cuts in suddenly, _“ask Sebiel about Starlight Labs.”_

Church blinks. Starlight Labs—a company new to the field but growing fast, already posing quite a bit of competition to the monolith that is Charon and all its subsidiaries. And that means...

“Blarg?” Junior says, startling him. He’s somehow snuck up on Church’s side. He tries to jump onto the desk, pressing some keys on Church’s laptop and nearly yanking out the cable connected to it.

“Hey!” Church grabs his laptop back and nudges Junior. “No, kid. I don’t care if you’re bored. Sit back down, I’m busy.”

Junior glares at him. “Honk!” He stomps off, far away from Church’s work. Good. Church turns back to his laptop. Junior had accidentally pulled up the CEO’s emails again. Well. Church might as well take a small break from perusing through footage to check for mentions of Starlight Labs.

He pokes around. There are a few mentions in Hargrove’s emails, assuring Lozano that the battery’s sale would ensure that Lozano Technologies stays number one in their field. Church frowns. That doesn’t...make sense. The battery’s powerful, but getting thirty million from it wouldn’t save this sinking ship of a company. “Wash? Any ideas?”

 _“Yeah, this isn’t adding up.”_ Church can practically hear the gears turning in Wash’s head. _“Kai? Get anything from Sebiel?”_

 _“He won’t say much,”_ Kai huffs. _“But he_ did _mention that Charon wouldn’t have to worry about Starlight Labs for much longer. Like, super suspiciously. In a really creepy villain voice.”_

Church starts. Ex Ill Focus...Starlight Labs… “You don’t think—”

 _“Wait,”_ Wash says. _“The client said the battery was powerful enough to power a city’s electrical grid, right? So maybe it’s powerful enough for a bomb, too.”_

Wash’s words take a second to sink in. 

_“What?”_ Tucker squawks. 

_“A bomb, Tucker,”_ Caboose explains. _“It makes things go boom.”_

_“I know what a fucking bomb is, Caboose! But why—”_

_“To tank Starlight Labs,”_ Tex says. _“A direct attack wouldn’t look good, but by hiring the mercenaries...Lozano Tech and Charon can dodge responsibility for the bombing.”_

Church does a quick search. “Yeah. Charon hasn’t lasted this long in the industry by sticking to the rules. They’ve played dirty before.”

 _“Then we need to get the battery out of here as soon as possible,”_ Wash says. _“Tucker, are you in the vault?”_

 _“No, I still need the fucking PIN because_ someone—”

“I’m getting there!” Church goes back to the footage, huffing. “Goddamnit, you guys make me do everything.” He still has hours of video to sift through, trying to catch a glimpse of Lozano. He _really_ deserves a pay raise. 

_“Uh,”_ Kai says suddenly, _“I think Sebiel just blew Church’s cover.”_

“What?” Church swears. Why is everything happening at once? Fuck, he’s surprised it even held up this long. 

_“Yeah. He says he has no idea who you are and Charon_ definitely _didn’t send you.”_

 _“Shit,”_ Wash says. _“That means we’re probably close behind. Church, get Tucker into the vault now.”_

“I’m trying!” Church hits fast-forward and—there! Footage of Lozano entering the room, heading to the ATM. Now he just needs to narrow in on when he enters the PIN—

“Blarg?” Junior says. Church ignores him, concentrating on the video. “Honk! Blarg honk!”

Church groans. “Shut up, kid, I told you I’m—”

“Freeze!”

...fuck.

Church turns around, heart sinking. There’s a guard standing in the doorway, gun pointed at him. “Put your hands where I can see them.”

 _“Church?”_ Wash says, alarmed. _“What’s going on?”_

Church slowly raises his hands, his mind racing. Fuck, how is he going to get out of this? The guard keeps his gun trained on him, speaking into his walkie-talkie, “I’ve apprehended the fake scientist. He’s in the control room with—”

“Honk!” Junior barrels forward at the guard. Church’s heart immediately leaps to his throat.

“Junior, _no—”_

A burst of electricity. The guard lets out a yell, shuddering, then falls to the ground.

 _“Scully?”_ a voice from the walkie-talkie calls. _“Yo, you alright?”_

Church stares. Junior turns back to him, triumphant. He’s holding the taser.

“What the fuck?” Church tries to will his heart to calm down. “What—when did you grab that?” He glances back at the desk. The space where the taser used to be is empty.

“Blarg!” Junior says proudly. 

“I…” Church shakes his head in disbelief. “Thanks? I guess?”

 _“Church?”_ Tucker says. _“What happened? Is Junior okay?”_

“Y-yeah, he’s fine. We’re fine.” Church snatches the taser out of Junior’s hand, ignoring Junior’s honk of protest. “A guard found us, but Ju—we took care of it.”

Tucker breathes a sigh of relief. _“Oh, thank fuck.”_

 _“Head to the control room,”_ another voice from the walkie-talkie calls. Church swears.

“Shit, he radioed the other guards. I-I have to go.”

 _“Uh, dude, I still need the code!”_ Tucker says. _Fuck._ Right.

Church spins back around to the footage on the computer, fast-forwarding a few seconds, and—there it is: a clear shot of the CEO typing a code into the machine. “Okay, Tucker, type four-six-zero-three-three-nine.”

A _beep._ _“I’m in! I just have to get through the lasers.”_

 _“CEO’s calling me and Kai to his office,”_ Wash cuts in. _“Caboose, I need you to come by the office in case we’re blown. Tucker, be quick in there.”_

Okay, now Church needs to get the fuck out of the control room. He reaches for the cable, about to unplug his laptop.

 _“Church,”_ Wash says suddenly. _“Before you go, one more thing—”_

“What?!” Church glances frantically at the door. “Do you _want_ me to get cau—”

_“Transfer the rest of the dirty money in Sebiel’s account to Lozano.”_

Oh. _Oh,_ yeah. Church quickly gets into Sebiel’s Caymans account. It’s an easy transfer. “Alright. That’s twenty million to Lozano.” Church snaps his laptop shut and shoves it into his briefcase. He turns to Junior. “Come on kid, let’s go.”

“Blarg!”

Church hurries out the door, Junior right behind him. There are two more guards down the hallway towards them. Church curses, about to duck back into the control room when he recognizes one of their faces.

Tex spins around and slams the other guard’s head against the wall. He goes down instantly.

“Thank me later,” she says, glancing back at him. “Let’s get out of—”

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

Oh, not _again._

Tex glares at him, raising her voice above the blaring alarms. “What did you—”

Church holds up his hands. “Not my fucking fault this time!’

Wash curses. _“They noticed someone’s in the vault. Tucker—”_

_“Almost there!”_

Tex scoops up Junior effortlessly with one arm and motions for Church to start running. They rush down the hall. 

There are sounds of a struggle over the comms. Caboose must’ve come to Wash and Kai’s rescue just in time. But...Tucker’s still in the vault. Church’s heart drops. “Guys, don’t let Lozano hit the burn-room switch—”

 _“Uh,”_ Kai says. _“Too late.”_

 _“Tucker,”_ Wash orders, _“get out now!”_

_“Fuck—”_

_WHOOOMPH!_

The fire is deafening over the comms.

Shit. Church slows to a stop, heart hammering in his chest. If Tucker didn’t get out of the burn room in time… “Tucker?”

Tex stares at him. “Church, _come on—”_

“ _Tucker?”_ Caboose calls, too, hesitant. 

There’s no response. 

“Honk?” Junior says, voice quivering.

Church squeezes his eyes shut. “Tucker, please fucking tell me—”

 _“I-I’m fine!”_ Tucker pants. _“I’m fine. Shit, barely got out of there, but—I’m good. I got the battery.”_

 _“He’s alive!”_ Kai exclaims. 

Wash lets out a sigh. _“Oh, thank god.”_

The relief that crashes into Church nearly makes his knees buckle. “Jesus fucking Christ. Don’t _do_ that.”

“Blarg!” Junior says happily. “Honk blarg!”

 _“Yeah, yeah, Junior, I’m fine.”_ Church can hear the shaky smile in Tucker’s voice. _“It’s all good. You’ve been great, buddy.”_

“Great,” Tex says, sounding annoyed, but there’s a note of relief in her tone as well. “So can we—”

Three guards suddenly charge around the corner. Before Church can even yell, Tex dumps Junior into his arms and shoves the first guard into the other two, kicking out his feet from under him and then punching him in the face. She knocks the other two’s heads together and turns back to him, impatient.

“Can we _go?”_ she demands. 

_“Right,”_ Wash says. _“Right okay, everyone out. Tucker, meet us by the east stairwell. Church and Tex, get Junior out quietly.”_

“Blarg!” Junior says, wriggling around in Church’s arms.

“Okay, okay!” Church sets him down on the ground, arms aching. Fuck, Junior’s heavy. “What, do you want to walk?”

“Honk!” Junior scampers behind him. Church stares.

“You can’t be serious.”

 _“Church.”_ Tex has already moved to the stairwell, glaring at him. “Hurry the fuck up, we need to get to the side entrance before we run into any more guards.”

Church sighs. Fine. He reluctantly crouches down. Junior climbs onto his back with a pleased _honk._

“Yeah, okay,” he grumbles, trudging towards Tex. “Let’s go home.”

* * *

Church usually heads straight back to his apartment after cons. And he considers doing so this time, too, after regrouping with everyone and dropping Junior off at the bar below Wash’s apartment. He feels like he could sleep for a fucking week after this job. 

He’s actually halfway out the door when Tucker calls out, “Hey, Church, drinks? I’ll pay.”

Church turns around, staring incredulously. Tucker never offers to pay. He’s sitting at the counter, Junior fast asleep on his lap. He seems relaxed, in a good mood despite the mess that just happened and the fact that he nearly got burnt to a crisp. Or maybe because they still got out despite all that. He grins at Church, two glasses already on the counter. 

...okay. Staying for a bit wouldn’t hurt. 

Church slides into the seat next to Tucker, taking a glass. He glances around. Wash and Tex are talking to the client on the other side of the room, the battery on the table between them. Kai is flirting with one of the bartenders. Caboose has gone home already—something about wanting to fix Freckles as soon as possible. 

Church glances up at the TV. The sound is on mute, but the news ticker reads: _Lozano Tech CEO and Charon Industries head of research arrested for fraud and sabotage._ Looks like transferring the money worked out the way Wash planned it. Church never understands how he comes up with this stuff. 

"Thanks for looking after Junior," Tucker says, drawing Church's attention back to him. Church snorts, taking a sip. 

_"And_ for saving your asses."

"You're the one who fucked up in the first place!" Tucker says indignantly.

"It was your kid's fault!" Church protests. Junior shifts slightly, mumbling, but doesn't wake up. He was pretty much asleep when they arrived back here. Church guesses that tasing a guard must be pretty taxing on a four-year-old.

Tucker rolls his eyes. "You just don't know how to deal with kids, dude." He drains his glass, sliding it back to the bartender. "But hey, it's all good. We pulled it off. I can't believe all this trouble was for some small-ass battery though, like, seriously? Lame. I expected it to be bigger—bow chicka bow wow!"

Church pinches the bridge of his nose and wonders why he has to fight the urge to smile. Christ. "Made it easier to sneak it out undetected, didn't it?"

"...yeah. I guess so." Tucker takes his refilled glass and sips. Church finishes his, his eyes falling on Junior again. Tucker follows his gaze and huffs.

"Told you Junior could handle himself," he says. He absently pats Junior's head with one hand. "I mean. I was still worried as fuck. Next time don't bring him on a fucking _heist,_ dude."

"Next time find a back-up babysitter," Church shoots back. 

"Okay, fair enough," Tucker says after a moment. He blinks. "Fuck, I forgot about McDonald's." He looks down at Junior, his gaze softening instantly. "Eh, we'll get some tomorrow morning. And every morning! He definitely deserves it." 

Church glances at Junior, too. He looks peaceful as he sleeps—not like the kid that was this close to making Church rip his hair out today. But...maybe they can sort out their differences like Wash suggested. 

Not that Church would babysit during a heist ever again. That's something he's filing under nightmares to forget. 

"Another drink, please," he says to the bartender. He glances back at the client. There’s a big smile on her face as she hugs the battery to her chest. That small device is something they all just risked their necks for—Church hopes she puts it to good use. 

"I'm...surprised we all got out of that okay." Church admits after a moment. Tucker snorts. Church glances back at him. "What, you're not?"

"Eh." Tucker shrugs. "Not really. We're a pretty great team."

Church doesn't have a benchmark for what a great team is supposed to be, considering he’s never had one at all before, but...hell. He takes a long sip of his drink.

Maybe he can entertain the thought that they are. 

**Author's Note:**

> btw!! i took heavy inspiration from the leverage episodes "the inside job" and "the hot potato job" for this. i have other ideas for this au, and maybe i'll write more if i get the motivation!
> 
> and of course: have a lovely holiday season!


End file.
